It’s a short, personal sample about myself that was assigned for a AP Lit class. Appreciate any criticism towards writing, punctuation, etc. (:

There was once a time during the war when my dad was taken from me. My little girl self cried out in anger and confusion. How could they take him from me? From his family, us – the people who loved him most- for a year. That night was pitch black, the brillance of the stars overtaken by clouds and leaving everything to the dark. The ride to the carrier ship was quiet, already having said our goodbyes. He stepped out of the truck, and I flew after him- clinging to him so tightly, I thought he’d be unable to leave. My mother coaxed me with pleas to not make this day any harder, promised he would come back safely. And I cried all the way home, cursing anyone responsible for separating us- hating the world, and its drama. The year didn’t come quickly enough, each day ticked by as I stared at the clock – willing it faster. Three months to go! He was so close, so very close that I couldn’t help but smile. But then a call, at midnight. My mother crying, begging for more information. Tears trickled down my face, hoping desperately for good news. My sister confused by our tears, started her own. I don’t remember going to the hospital, seeing my dad in a bed- leg bandaged to hide his blood, medicated to hide his pain. What I remember is seeing my daddy breathing and surviving- what counted most, and what they couldn’t take from me.

Last night, I had a dream, that Ireally wanted to talk to a guy I like, I was in this weird underground elevator cellar, and my friend was running out of the building, and left her dad’s guitar on the table. I picked it up and said, "hey maybe I can impress him with this!(since I know guitar)". Then I starred at it for a minute, then walked out, to give it to my friend, she smiled and said "
thank you."
what got really weird, was while I was being driven home from
school, I saw all these weird like war airplanes lined up, and
people were tending to them. When I was tucked to bed in the
dream. I woke up In my old house, I glanced around, and in the
corner, was my old turtle, sparky, chewing on some food(when I was 6 I had a turtle named sparky but I had to disown him.).
Then the dream warped again, where me and my friend were trapped in an enclosure, people shouting and shining flashlights on us, In the middle of the crowd was a girl I hated; we tried to escape by digging a hole, but the hole was too small.
Now here was the scary part that Made this dream stick–
the dream shapeshifted again, and this time, where I’m huddle up on my living room couch with a bunch of blankets with my friends, this guy said "be careful of the horse ghost(I am terrified by ghost.)". I peaked from the blanket, and saw the shaded figure, but that’s how I woke up.

I have a TON of vintage star wars toys and stuff from my dad, as he grew up during the time of the original trilogy. I don’t necessarily want to sell it all now, but I was wondering where I could get the most money for this stuff- I mean I have like the Slave I toy and the Darth Vader action figure, which I’ve seen for a lot of money. Ebay doesn’t seem to get high prices for this stuff…. where could I get the most money selling some of it?

I need presents for my dad (he loves chess…but he has like every kind of chess set) ,mom (I’m not sure how to describe my mom but any ideas will work) ,sister (she’s older like 20′s and i was thinking about knitting her a fun fur scarf but what else?), dog, cat, three year old little boy, (he loves star wars and a lot of toys)
Please list anything you bought for people I just need ideas! I have lots more shopping to do! THANKS A LOT YOUR A BIG HELP!!!

Movie: I just saw Toy Story 3 and loved it. Now I’m in a panic looking for my old Woody toy. The first movie i ever saw and remember seeing was the original Toy Story. But my mom told me the first movie i saw was actually the first Star Wars (Episode 1), but I was 2 months old at the time. So what was the first movie you remember seeToy: I only bring this up because of Toy Story. I am now crazy about Toy Story and I am looking for my old Woody toy. I’m 13. So what? Don’t judge me. But my favorite toy was a stuffed Charmander Pokemon when I was 3. It was bigger than me and I carried it around wherever I went. Along with that, there was also the lost Woody toy. It was like the one in the movie, it had a string in the back that would make it talk if you pulled it, the hat could come off, and my dad even put my name on the boot too. So what was/is your favorite toy?

Ever since I was 5, when my brother hooked up the N64, I’ve been addicted to video games. The addiction has caused me to grow up as an antisocial guy. I mean, I’ll go out when someone comes to me, but I never make an effort to go to others. I have some friends, but I feel like I don’t connect to them on a soul level. I would rather stay inside and play video games. First it was the N64, then it was the PS2, then it was the Xbox, then I discovered Runescape, then it was the Xbox 360. At around the time of the PS2, my dad made a rule that I was not allowed to play videogames during weekdays, yet I still played when he wasn’t looking. Then my brother went up to college, taking the 360 with him. I was devastated. My dad then tweaked the rule, not allowing me to play videogames whatsoever. When he wasn’t looking, I played Runescape. Then I got bored of that. Just recently he was out of town for a week, and I ended up playing hours and hours of Star Wars Jedi Academy on the computer. Now that he’s back, I’m done with it. You’d think that by now my addiction would go away with not being allowed to play at all (and no desire to play Runescape because of how dumb it is), but I even look at the "let’s play.." youtube videos to get the same "high" that I do when I play video games. It’s pathetic, and I can’t seem to stop. I’ve already screwed up my social life permanently, and I don’t want to ruin it anymore.

I read before I go to bed, I play with my parakeet occasionally, I watch a little T.V., and I play some piano. I have no desire to go out with "friends," and school only makes me more miserable. I do stage crew after school and I’m content with it but I’d rather do videogames. The same goes with the sing/dance troupe I’m in.

My dad did the first step by taking them away, but I still can’t stop thinking about the videogames. How do I get my mind off of them, and what are some productive things to do other than the ones I listed before?

I mostly live at my mom’s house and we were digging through old boxes and randomly, the game guild wars, in a white disc sleeve, was in a box of toys!! We don’t know how it got there but we installed it and it asked for a key or code or something so we couldn’t play. The graphics were like one or two pixels were weird and it was kinda bumpy but I can play like that. Our computer has run world of kung fu before, NOT world of warcraft, and not a lego star wars game. But I think guild wars will run ok, because we tried it before! My dad’s computer is way better, but if he buys me something he gets really mad if I play it for more than an hour at a time and then tries to say I have to spend more time at his house if I want to keep it. I had WoW but it was too boring and expensive and guild wars looks cool. So I could get it at my mom’s and it might work, or at my dad’s where it will work, but he will act like a jerk and I won’t be able to play it a lot. Please tell me! I really need some suggestions… Thanks
Right now I’m downloading the one copy to see if it works any different. In fact my mom might be able to download this game engine thing that turns off things that don’t do anything with the game that are just making it slower, so if I do that it might let guild wars run. If it works this time I will get the actual game and if it doesn’t then I might just keep playing monster hunter 3…

My Dad told me there was new Japanese toy coming out soon that has some kind of helmet or something that you put on your head and it detects brainwaves and he said its like you can use the force just like star wars. Is there anyone who can tell me more about it or give me a website about it?

Hey guys, what would be some good techniques used in these lyrics ?
Don’t state the obvious ones (alliteration, rhyming etc..)
State the ones more for a high level student.
Thank you :] !

Pink – Family Portrait

Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin’ me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you
said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I’ve seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, let’s act like it comes
naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her
last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, act like it goes naturally

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
(I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do
anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let’s play pretend act and like it comes so
naturally
(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave)

Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my
shining star?
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Don’t leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer
I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother
Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right
I’ll be your little girl forever
I’ll go to sleep at night
Hey where would the connotations be used ?

Around 7:15 this morning (6.20.10), I was laying in bed, and my bed is by a window, and I wasn’t really facing the window, and all of a sudden there was a bright orange flash outside, like lightning, but orange. Right after that there was a loud boom, but not like a normal boom, it sounded like in star wars episode II when Jango was shooting rockets at Obi-Wan, kind of like that, like a TONGGGG noise almost. I can’t explain it.
I texted Cha Cha and they said it was parts from a Russian rocket. I looked online and there was reports of a fireball streaking across the sky, with a loud boom, the said it wasn’t a rocket. I don’t know when these reports are, but they don’t seem to line up with what I saw. These reports were all on the east coats, and I like right around Seattle, in Washington on the west coast.
Any idea what it could be? I’m really interested in it, and it actually gave me tons of ideas for movies thanks!!!!
I wasn’t asleep, cause my dad had come in (he leaves for work on Sundays, and works all week, I only get to see him on the weekends), and we were talking, and he went outside to see, and there was nothing, so I definitely wasn’t asleep.
My dad said it could have been a transformer, but no one’s power went out.
The time between the flash and the boom was about… 2-3 seconds

Veterans
What does this word mean to you?
To me, this word means military
It also means war
How many people know veterans?
I know many
My grandfather was in a war
My dad was in one also
I have an uncle in the Marines
And another in the army
So this word also means family
At least for me
How about you?

or

Night Sky
I see the red, purples, and blues
And all of the other hues
The colors start to become deeper in color
But yet the same from the others
And there I see the moon in the sky
And some stars moving by
The night is peaceful
You can’t hear a sound
From the trees down to the ground
Now it’s time to go to bed
All of the colors running in my head

Im looking for star wars, battlestar galatica, star trek ect… models to put together with my dad.

*This is my first time writing, so I was just seeing if this is something I should continue writing or scrap it. If you have any critisim that would be great!*

Every person that comes in and out of our life makes our story worth telling. Some people come for only a chapter and others stay an entire book. I had come to the realization that it’s okay to let some people go, and others you needed to find a reason of why they left.

I had another dream about her last night, this time she walked back into my life. My mother had left my father and me, eleven years ago on my seventh birthday. I can still recall the smell of the freshly made pancakes, and the screaming coming from the kitchen. I had woken up early that day with the hopes of being able to open a present early. Instead, I walked into a war zone with my mother throwing a vase at my father and everything else that was in reaching distance. Footsteps got louder and louder as they reached my bedroom, my mother kissed me goodbye and headed towards the front door as she walked out of my life forever.
Glancing at my clock, I realized that my alarm had not been set the night before; I was going to be late for my last exam. I hurried out of bed, threw my clothes on and ran to the kitchen for a quick bite to eat. I saw that my dad had already made me a cup of coffee, freshly heated pop-tarts and a note telling me Happy Birthday. When my mother left, I had become my father’s whole world. I was the only person that he had left, and he wanted to make sure that I was completely taken care of. He had always reminded me that it wasn’t my fault my mother had left us and that she loved me. I always reminded him that she may have loved me but she couldn’t have been twice the parent he had become.
I had gotten to my Psych Exam with minutes to spare. Skimming through as many notes as I was able to, I felt a tug on my shirt.
“Lillian are you ready for this?” Kendall said with a concerned voice as she sat down next to me.
“ I am more than ready for this, trust me. Knowing that this is my last exam of the year, I studied all night so I was actually able to enjoy my summer break.”
“ Students you have exactly 90 minutes to complete this exam, once the 90 minutes are up, you will need to sat down you pencils and hand it in,” Professor Casem instructed.
Once I had opened the packet, everything I had remembered about psychology had completely gone out the window. The only thing I was able to remember was the perfume my mother was wearing when she left. Why did her memory have to come at exactly this moment? I tried to shake it off, trying to remember what I had exactly studied that night. Once I had finished my exam, I slowly walked to my car.
“Lillian, wait! I need to ask you something!”
“Yeah?”
“What are your plans for the break?”
“ Haven’t really thought about it why?”
“A bunch of us had thought about going to California, we all want to head over there go to the beach and maybe meet a movie star!”
“ That sounds interesting but I might actually go to Florida.”
“Florida? Why Florida?”
“That’s where my mother is. I think its time I find her.”

Close my eyes and I count to ten.. Hope it’s over when I open them.. I want the things that I had before.. Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door.. I wish I could count to ten and make everything be wonderful again.. I hope my Mom and I hope my Dad will figure out why they get so mad.. Hear them scream I hear them fight .. They say bad words that make me want to cry.. I close my eyes when I go to bed and I dream of angels who make me smile.. I feel better when I hear them say everything will be wonderful someday.. Promises mean everything when you’re little and the world is so big.. I just can’t understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes.. Tell me everything is wonderful now..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-8V36mWUVFc

Ive had this song for a while and i still dont now the name of it or the artist.XD

It starts of with people saying the word wonderful

heres the lyrics
i close my eyes when i get to sad
i think thoughts that i know were bad
i close my eyes and i count to ten
hope its over when i open them

I want the things that i had before
like star wars poster on my bedroom door
i wish i could count to ten
make everything be wonderful again

i hope my mom and i hope my dad
would figure out why they get so mad
i hear them scream i hear them fight
say bad words that make me want to cry

i close my eyes when i go to bed
i dream adventures that make me smile
i feel better when i hear them say
everything will be wonderful some day

……
tell me everything is wonderful now
please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now

Hi Guys. I need help on planning a magical trip to Disney World next year with my dad. I need Disney World Advice for the Star Wars weekends. When are the Star Wars weekends next year? Is there a trip website I can get on to look for Disney World packages from Charlotte to Orlando? What is the best airline that flies from Charlotte to Orlando? Also, can you tell me where I can find a Star Wars shirt at Disney World and where can I get my photo taken with Stitch? I love Stitch and is there a website that has Stitch wallpaper and a website that has Disney songs to download for free? My favorite Disney movie is Lion King and where can I get my photo taken with Simba? Also I love Pooh and where can I get a Pooh shirt at Disney World? Please offer advice for my dad and I when we go to Disney World next year for the Star Wars weekends! Thank you for your help. Should I start planning my trip now? I will pass this info to my dad tonight so he can start planning our magical trip to Disney World! Thanks again!!!!!

your moms like a big mac…full of fat and worth 1 dollar

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let’s go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours…for a quote!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they’re afraid of her face!!

Yo momma so ugly that her face will make a freight train take a dirt road!

Yo momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.

Yo momma so ugly, she walked into taco bell and they all ran for the border!

Yo momma so ugly people go ask her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "

Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!

Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"

Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma is so fat her waist size is equator!

Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!

Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family.

Yo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole *** over!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!

Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo momma so fat she’s got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."

Yo momma so fat her nickname is, "DAY-UM!"

Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now.

Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Yo momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

Yo mamma so fat, you have to roll over twice to get off her…

Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, "Free Willy!"

Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!

Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"

Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"

Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo momma so fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo momma so fat I’ve known her all my life … and I still haven’t seen ALL of her!

Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear, "Caution! Wide Turn."

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, "One at a time, please."

Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.

Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo momma so fat she’s got her own area code!

Yo momma so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen!

Yo momma so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!

Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…

Yo momma so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo momma so fat , her legs are like spoiled milk – white & chunky!

Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the *****’s good side!

Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington’s nose.

Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!

Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ***, she has to make two trips!

Yo momma so fat her belly button’s got an echo.

Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she’s wearin tights!

Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu.

Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whoelband skips!

Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo momma so fat when the ***** goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma so fat that she can’t tie her own shoes.

Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn-X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.

Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.

Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo momma so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip ‘n Slide.

Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!

Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship.

Yo momma so fat she accidently got a 757 caught in her teeth.

Yo momma so fat to her, "light food," means under 4 Tons!

Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!

Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!

Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.

Yo momma so fat she won, "Miss Bessie the Cow 94."

Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA – FatAss Jeans.
Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!

Yo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink!

Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, "Illegitiment" because she couldn’t read.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under, "Education," on her job application, she put, "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she watches, "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Yo momma so stupid, she couldn’t read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hourr virus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper .

Yo momma so stupid she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney World – Left" so she went home.

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said, "Guess" so she said, "Levi’s."

Yo momma so old, she has Jesus’ beeper number!

Yo momma so old, her social security number is 1!

Yo momma so old, she older than yo grandma!

Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch!

Yo momma so old that when she was in school, there was no history class.

Yo momma so old, she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

Yo momma so old she’s in Jesus’s yearbook!

Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo momma so old when she reads the bible she reminisces.

Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li’l Mary will never amount to anything".

Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse.

Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang.

Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!!

Yo momma so poor, she can’t afford to live in a two story Cheerio box!

Yo momma so poor she can’t afford to pay attention!

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

Yo Momma so poor she can’t afford the o or the r.

Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving."

Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!

Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"

Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps.

Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin’?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.

Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner!"

Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."

Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet!

Do you know the story about the little old woman that lives in a shoe? Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop!

Yo momma like a shot gun, two cocks and she blows!

Yo momma like Domino’s pizza — Something for nothing.

Yo momma like spoiled milk, fat and chunky!

Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!

Yo momma like a bowling ball: She’s picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter.

Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin’!"

Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

Yo momma like a hockey team…changes her pads every three periods!

Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

Yo momma is like a racing car…chick burned four rubbers in one night.

Yo momma like castlebury stew: servings are family size.

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe its not butter.

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when youre little
And the worlds so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that its all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends wont know
When the bell rings I just dont wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I dont believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when youre little
And the world is so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I dont wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna meet your friends
And I dont wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now…

I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

My kids want to give their dad a star wars birthday party in the house.
They have made some costumes fro their dressing up box and have some star wars toys and the films, but need some more ideas. Thanks!