I’m writing a short story for a contest for kids my age. How can I improve this draft? Thanks, God bless.
ou wouldn’t think two girls who were so different could become good friends, but… They forced us all to have one thing in common our Aryan blood that flowed through our veins. When I first met Ingrid I thought that we could never be friends. She was different; she was a Russian who got stolen from her immigrant family in Poland. I was a city girl coming from Prague, and Ingrid was a country girl. But even though we were different by our likes and dislikes, we still became very good friends.
“ Ingrid!” exclaimed Herr Abt one of the strict teachers of the boarding school. Her thick blond hair was held up in a bun sprayed with hair spray. She walked towards Ingrid with her black skirt swishing side to side. “ Why did you leave class so early, yesterday?” she asked in a harsh voice her deep green eyes starring at Ingrid. Ingrid frowned, “ I thought Papa came back for me. I thought I heard his voice yelling after me. So I ran out of the classroom and down the hall and I saw nothing.” Ingrid sadly explained as her large round blue eyes looked straight at Herr Abt. Herr Abt’s green eyes widened, “ It has been a week ever since your arrival here, and I have been telling you many times that we don’t say Papa we say Vater. V-A-T-E-R is the German word for Papa. I’ve been also telling you that your so-called parents stole you from your German parents because you were a good-looking child. Do you understand, Ingrid?” she explained with anger and frustration.
“ Yes, Herr Abt. I do understand perfectly. But my name is Anna not Ingrid.” the child argued back starring at her six foot teacher who had on a crisp ironed white dress shirt, tucked under her silk black skirt. “ Ingrid! I told you many times that…” Ingrid annoyingly interrupted her teacher, “ My real name is Ingrid, and my so-called parents stole me for my good looks. I know that sounds absurd but that is the truth.” Ingrid said memorizing the sentence Herr Abt usually says to Ingrid. Herr Abt held a strand of Ingrid’s long blond hair. “ Do you see this?” she asked Ingrid with a smile. “ Yes, what is so special about it?” Ingrid answered back in stumbling German. “ Well.” she said as she grabbed a rectangle mirror from her large oak desk. “ Your beautiful. Look at your healthy blond hair and your pretty blue eyes. You’re a perfect girl for Hitler’s master race. Anyways, I want you to go to bed like the other girls.” Herr Abt mentioned. Ingrid quietly slipped out of the room and walked back to the large bedroom were all the other girls were sleeping.
All the girls looked the same, tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and wearing the same knee length silk white nightgown, Ingrid grabbed on to her white fleece blanket. She could hear a girl next to her bed sobbing. “ Heidi, are you ok?” Ingrid asked in a worried voice. Sweat dripped over Ingrid’s head, “ Heidi, why are you crying?” Ingrid continued on asking. “ Nothing, I was just thinking of my old family. We lived in Czechoslovakia, everything was so happy there. Until, well never mind….” Heidi hesitated to explain. “ I hate it here, Heidi. I wish I lived back on my farm in Poland. Everyone is identical to you, its really creepy.” Ingrid mentioned as tears emerged from her eyes.
“ I wish this dreadful war could be over. I hate living in the midst of a war!” Heidi whispered loudly. Ingrid frowned, “ I’m cold are you?” she asked Heidi. Heidi tugged on her thin brown blanket, “ They don’t even give us proper blankets.” Heidi whispered back in a furious voice. “ Do you like horses, Heidi?” Ingrid asked in a soft and quiet voice. Heidi raised her bond eyebrows and turned to face Ingrid, “ No, of course not! They smell awful!” Heidi whispered again in a loud voice. “ Oh.” Ingrid said. “ If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?” Heidi smiled, “ New York, I want to see an American movie. How about you, Ingrid?” Heidi responded back in an excited voice. “ I want to visit… France, England, or Italy.” Heidi said dreamily wishing she could actually go and see the famous paintings and buildings of other parts of Western Europe.
“ What traditions did you have in Czechoslovakia?” asked Ingrid. “ I was a city girl living in Prague. Oh Ingrid, there were just so many traditions! On Christmas day we would eat so much food. Even one Christmas when we were so poor, Mama prepared a huge feast for the whole family, it tasted so delicious. It was not easy to prepare a meal for a family of twenty-eight people. We had all my cousins, Uncles, Aunts, and of course my grandparents. Ingrid, the last night I had ever saw my Mama was on Christmas day. We all were laughing and talking when we heard a knock on our door and then came two Nazi soldiers, they looked at me and admired my blond hair and blue eyes and then I was gone. I heard my Mama screaming after me. I screamed until my voice felt raw.
Let’s talk about another subject, this one hurts me too much.” said Heidi with a heart-broken voice.
Ingrid starred at Heidi, “ We both look alike. We both have blue eyes and blond hair we are both tall but… We don’t have the same interests. We like different things and we lived in different places. I lived in the countryside you lived in the city. What makes us the perfect pair of friends is the things we went through. We both got stolen from our families and now we are living in a different country. But together we can face through the beatings, humiliations, and torture. Soon, we might be reunited with our real families. Meanwhile, we can go through this torture together,” explained Ingrid with a smile on her face. Heidi smiled, “ Lets go through this war together as friends.” Heidi agreed.
And so that is the story of our friendship. Ingrid and me were only twelve back then, but throughout the war years we could face anything together. Whenever I got in trouble in school, Ingrid
would always do something to get herself in trouble. Then always we would be cleaning the classrooms together. We had promised each other we would look out for one another and we did. We looked identical on the outside but on the inside we were different, but we still managed to be good friends. We never got reunited with our parents, but Ingrid and me had been such good friends that we were like sisters. After the war ended on my 17th birthday, Ingrid and me fulfilled our dreams and left East Germany. We traveled around the world, always going on safaris or climbing the Eiffel Tower. I got separated from my parents when I was twelve but I never got separated from Ingrid. I have to go on the tour of the Amazon Rainforest now, bye!